Mine your cavity

3 Jul

Guys! You guys! I met a real life miner today! And he was nothing like those burly, barrel-chested hunks of masculinity from the movies; he was so much more!

So I had to make a journey today. A long journey. A bus journey. And since I was travelling alone, there was always the chance that I would have to sit next to a creep/pervert/paedophile hybrid for the entirety of this journey. But from the get go, I knew this one would be unique. He had that smell about him, a strong, manly musk of three day old sweat. It confused me, at first. I thought he was just a unique creep. It was only a bit later, when I discovered he was a miner. Clearly, his scent, wrapped around him like a blanket of testosterone, was an indicator of what he was; I’d just misread the signs.

Some time, and several furtive observations later, I was able to confirm that my first impression that indeed been right. He wasn’t just an ordinary miner, he was unique. Confident, thoroughly unapologetic, he glared at all the passengers around him, daring them to raise a word against his choice of profession. Engineer, doctor, banker, all quailed under his fierce gaze. No one dared say a word, not even me. It was as if he was silently shouting out to the world, “I will dig out everything! Dirt, grime, gold, diamond, copper, your deepest fears, my brain fluid.”

I was, covertly*, able to take a photo of this special, special individual. Here he is, in all his mining glory:

The Hunt For Atlantis

A few hours later, my friendly neighbourhood miner was still going strong. He carried on with the intensity canines show to their own genitals. And then, just when I’d pegged him for a one trick pony, he sighed, withdrew his implements, peered at the passing signpost, and muttered, loudly, “Khanewal… Sahiwal… Soni Mahiwal.”**

Please stab me with the bluntest object you can find.


*Covert, my arse. I came this close to spontaneously evacuating my bowels (and dying). A millisecond after I’d tapped the “take photo” icon, I remembered that I’d set the flash to “Auto”. It was only through the blessings of Odin, the All-Father, that the app deemed the ambient light strong enough to not warrant flash.

**Apologies to non-natives for being hopelessly lost after reading this. Though to be honest, I suspect most natives would be equally bamboozled.


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